Being a mom is such a task! There’s a whole house waiting for you along with two or more humans. And amidst everything is this weird hated invisible entity called “mom guilt.”
Whether you’re a young mom or a mother of four, mom guilt is always there to hit you. And do you know who is behind this?
It’s us. Moms!
Since always, society has been instructing us what to do and not to do. As a result, as humans, we women have started believing in a particular set of norms and rules. Especially in terms of parenting.
But everything turns real once you have a child. Which soon makes you realize that not everything that you expect of yourself can be true.
So, now after almost completing two years of motherhood, I am here to guide those who are on the journey or will be soon. Let’s check out some of the things that moms should never EVER feel guilty about.
Wanting To Kiss Or Hold Your Baby Longer
I remember when Humayra was a newborn, I just couldn’t stop kissing and adoring her every now and then.
Yes, I know kissing on a baby’s face isn’t a good idea. But I didn’t know about it at that time.
Soon, this creepy little thing came into me that made me feel “am I overdoing it?”
Yes, that actually happened!
So, here’s the deal!
Have no shame or face no mom guilt in wanting to hold or adore your baby a little longer. It’s perfectly ok.
People might even tell you that that might eventually spoil your child or can make her clingy. Just ignore them.
Your baby is your baby. You carried her and delivered her. You deserve the exclusive right to love her more than anyone else.
So, just go for it!
This one is a KILLER!
I have already mentioned in my earlier post on some of the raw experiences of motherhood that no one tells you about and here I am again.
See, I know breastfeeding is THE ultimate best. There’s nothing as good as breastmilk for a baby that’s full of healthy nutrients.
But, let’s admit it. Not every other mother you meet can produce abundant milk enough for her baby.
I personally had almost abandoned formula milk because I just didn’t want to feed it to my girl.
My daughter used to keep crying incessantly and there I was adamant.
My mother and my mother-in-law kept insisting on formula feeding my baby. Because in my pursuit to be the PERFECT mother, my baby was hungry.
I soon gave in realizing what kind of an idiot I was!
Mommies, formula feeding is perfectly fine. Not everybody is same, which means not every mommy can produce the required milk for their babies.
Some babies need more milk. Others need less.
But that doesn’t label you as a “bad mother.”
Formula milk is produced especially for babies, passed by several tests. Which eventually makes them a perfect substitute for breastmilk.
So, mommies, just chill!
Asking For Help
How do I break this down?!
So, you just delivered a baby. You might be having postpartum depression. You have sleep deprivation and are on meds. And on top of everything, you have to manage an entire house.
IT’S NOT THAT EASY!
And amidst everything, if you’re lucky enough to get a helping hand apart from your husband, trust me that’s a blessing.
Feel free to ask for help if you actually need it and get off with that mom guilt NOW.
And if you’re worried about, like me, how others are going to judge you, just remember one thing.
Your health and mental sanity can either make or break your family. So, forget about what others have to say.
Ask for help if you really need it. There’s no shame in it.
Having A Postpartum Body
This is one personal experience that I really would love to share with you. Especially now when I am talking about mom guilt.
So, I have loads of Facebook friends who are now mothers.
Some of them are quite active on social media while others are not.
But amidst everything, I often feel discomfort or rather, embarrassed.
Because many of them still have their pre-mommy bodies.
Yes, even after two years, I am struggling to attain that. My mommy’s belly doesn’t seem to bid adieu. And I honestly used to feel so guilty about it.
Thankfully, I now realize that my mom guilt is just trying to overpower me.
Having a postpartum body along with the scars and stretch marks is just what is normal. You may or may not lose weight. And trust me that’s okay as long as there are no serious health complications.
Every time you feel ashamed of your postpartum body, just remember that it was THAT body that literally carried your baby, your pride and your most precious asset.
Your body is a “badge of honour.” Go flaunt it!
Do you know what is one of the worst parts of suffering from mom guilt? It attacks exactly that moment when you just don’t expect it!
Let me break this down as in what I want to convey!
See, before I became a mom, I considered myself lazy. I still am though, but that’s okay!
I underestimated my potentials and my energy limits!
Fast forward to 2017 and I delivered my princess.
And since then, I soon realized my “superwoman” avatar!
And once I moved to KSA, the avatar became more in power.
I woke up at 5 a.m, completed my chores, cooked meals within a span of two hours, tried potty training (BTW that’s so not easy), tried maintaining a proper sleeping schedule and maintaining a whole house.
But, here’s the problem. In spite of doing everything, that I never expected from myself, I was deep down depressed and often felt low.
And that eventually often made me suffer from a typical kind of mom guilt. It was like feeling “am I doing something wrong?”
Or thought about things like, “how do other moms maintain a great body along with having four or five kids?”
That typical state of mind was definitely not healthy!
Thankfully, I soon realized that I was an idiot to think that way.
The moral of the story is no matter how much you contribute to your family. You will always feel that it’s NEVER enough!
But that doesn’t at all mean you’re NOT doing enough. Make sure to always keep that in mind.
Screen Time As Babysitter
Ok, now let’s admit almost every mom is facing mom guilt when it comes to offering screen to their toddlers.
Time to visit the loo after holding almost three hours of pee or just want to cook dinner. Pop up your screen and your little one won’t be off his feet.
But down there, the mom guilt is almost killing you.
Because you gave your toddler screen time!
Trust me, contrary to what everyone believes, screen time is okay!
Yes, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, children under the age of 2 must not be given any screen time.
But if you do break the rule, believe me, you’re not alone. And if you do have to provide a screen to an under 2 yrs aged toddler, try keeping at a minimum as possible with 10-15 minutes intervals.
Try to make watching the screen a privileged affair instead of a regular norm. Pick appropriate programs as per your child’s age. And finally with that set, just relax!
Disciplining Your Kids
Okay, now this may seem pretty absurd for some of the mommies, but here’s a fact!
I was actually criticised for trying to discipline my toddler!
Yes, that actually had happened!
So, here’s the story!
Being raised by strict parents, my paternal home comprised of stern discipline and rules. We are compelled to abide by them.
Similarly, I too have started instilling discipline little by little. Especially when I know that my girl is actually understanding what I am saying, I personally feel I should start practising the norm. Because, more than pampering, I feel, raising a good human is more important.
However, I was literally criticized and, if I am not wrong, also judged for this decision.
But the best part is I just never cared what that so-called friend of mine had to say.
Mommies, if you too feel that disciplining your kids can make you more of a Hitler, just relax.
You know what your kids need more than anyone.
Don’t let anyone else’s comment put you down and let you suffer from any kind of mom guilt! Just NEVER!
Leaving The House Messy
You can either raise a baby or can have a clean house!
I so much believe in this!
Since always I have seen my mother cleaning and organizing almost every nook and corner of our house. From even the slightest microscopic cobwebs to even a rag on a table, nothing can escape her.
And that made me often feel that organizing things is always important!
Fast forward to 2017! I delivered Humayra.
And soon after her first birthday, I had to move to KSA. Which means now I am all alone!
I had to start managing every single thing in my house just on time!
And all the while, it was not, I repeat, it was NOT at all possible to organize things every now and then.
Toddlers will spill and throw away things every now and then. You will have to rely on thousands of random stupid things to make then gulp just one spoon of a meal.
And in doing all these, if your house stays a bit messy, it is OKAY!
Don’t ever think you’re doing some sort of harm. Raising a tiny human means understanding your priorities and breaking down the tasks accordingly.
The laundry can stay in the washer for a while. The dry clothes can sit on the sofa for a while. The toys on the floor can do no harm, unless they are too sharp, to human mankind.
It’s okay for your house to be not always okay!
I know there are moms who manage to make their house a royal palace in spite of having a baby or kids.
Trust me, I respect them so so much!
But that doesn’t mean you’re failing in motherhood!
You’re a mom! And every mom is a warrior of its own kind!
Mom guilt is definitely real! But don’t let it overcome your joy and happiness of motherhood!
You are doing an awesome job because YOU are an awesome mom!
Did I miss out something? Let me know in the comments!