So, finally, I am back after a long break. And this time with a serious personal post. About motherhood and about first-time mothers!
March 2019 will be marking my second successful survival year as a first-time mother. And trust me, the journey is becoming more entertaining, fun and more bonding. Of course, the stress level is increasing. But, it’s so so so worth it!
Honestly, sometimes I do feel first-time mothers are more of superhumans. Like, just consider these facts.
We didn’t know how to swaddle or wrap a newborn, but we still did it.
We didn’t know how to survive a day with just one hr sleep. But we did it!
We didn’t know why did our babies cry. Yet we managed to read her thoughts soon before anyone else.
Yes, mommy, you’re stronger than you thought!
So, with a moderate experience just like the other first-time mothers, today I will be talking about some of the rawest and harsh facts of motherhood. Facts that no one actually tells you about being a new mother.
Motherhood Is Patience
Did you know the very core of motherhood is not your motherly love but in being patient!
From the very first day of your pregnancy, until your kid becomes absolutely independent, the entire journey is all about patience.
There will uncountable moments, especially for first-time mothers, when you’ll feel that you just can’t take it anymore. You might feel like giving up. And it is during these moments when you need patience the most.
Being patient and controlling your anger in the most exploding moments will soon make you realize that you’re actually stronger than you ever thought. Besides, this will also have a positive impact on your child as he/she grows up, thus making you as their role model.
Breastfeeding is HARD
I just can’t explain how the entire “real” breastfeeding concept surprised me when I became a new mom.
First-time mothers will know what I am talking about!
Breastfeeding is actually hard, in fact, very hard!
You will have engorged breasts. You might go low with milk supply. Your diet, directly and indirectly, will affect your baby’s digestive system. You might go high with milk supply. You might have leaking breasts. There can be latching issues.
And the list goes on!
If you’re an expecting mother, trust me, breastfeeding can be hard. Very hard.
Once you get hooked with it, it will be one of the most beautiful experiences you’ve ever had!
Your Body Won’t Be Same
I personally don’t have stretch marks when I carried Humayra because my baby bump was quite like a tiny football. But I had a C section. The scar that I have to carry forever.
You may have a normal delivery but you might have big stretch marks.
Motherhood means your body WILL change in so many ways. It WILL happen!
But you know what’s the best part?
That shows how you emerged as a warrior!
Be proud of your stretch marks or C section incision. They are medals!
Your Relation With Your SO Will Change
Do you know what’s one of the biggest challenges of being a mother, apart from all the physical and mental turmoil?
Your personal relationship with your significant other.
You have to accept this. And the sooner you do the better it is!
See, before you had a baby, it was just you two.
You have to check your baby’s diapers, clean their clothes, iron their school uniforms, help them do homework, prepare foods as per their preferences and discipline them.
All in all, it’s super exhausting!
And THAT directly affects your marriage.
You two will have almost no time left for each other. You will have to plan out efficiently every weekend. You will have to plan your hangouts or dates based on your child’s sleeping or napping patterns. You will have to set aside your SO’s favourite outfit because now you have to breastfeed your baby.
In short, both of your schedules and lifestyle will be completely based on your child’s schedule.
But that doesn’t mean that your marriage will collapse.
Your Health Matters. A LOT!
Now that you have a tiny life completely under your responsibility, your health matters even more.
Let me explain this!
Before I delivered Humayra, I was more of a foodie freak who would bump in any delicious platter.
I would have a carefree pattern of drinking chilled soft drinks every now and then, in spite of knowing that it can make me fall sick.
But now, I can’t do that.
That’s because, every time, I now fall sick, my child’s routine or schedule or even her feedings can get affected.
My health, now after becoming a mother, is no longer mine. It’s my child’s!
Formula Feeding is OK
Okay, I have always been a big fan of breastfeeding and am still now.
But, only when I became a mom, I realized that breastfeeding, like I already said, is not easy.
And when your supply is low, it’s totally fine, I repeat, totally fine, to formula feed.
There will be uncountable women who might judge you for this. But, trust me, it’s ok.
I breastfed and formula-fed my baby. And I am totally cool with it.
Unless your baby is having any kind of health or digestive problems, formula feeding is totally fine!
Postpartum Depression is REAL
This is one of the scariest parts of motherhood. But, you have to face it!
Postpartum depression and baby blues are totally real. And they can be powerful too. Especially for first-time mothers.
There will be at times when you will doubt your own decision of being a mother. There will be times when you will feel totally empty.
You will question your own existence.
You might even want to kill yourself.
It happens. Postpartum depression does exist.
But, trust me, you can overcome it!
You waited for 40 long weeks to meet your angel. You survived all the morning sickness and nausea. You carried a human in you.
And if you can do all these, you can easily get over postpartum depression.
Exhaustion Will Be ETERNAL
This is no shocker!
You have to feed your baby at night. You have to make meals for your family. You have to do the laundry and fold it. You have to sterilize your baby’s bottles and wash them every time you feed them. You have to put them to sleep. You have to cook special baby food. You have to do the dishes.
There’s just so so so much to do. Even after getting help from your SO.
Motherhood will make you realize that you never had been actually exhausted ever before.
Now after giving your absolute 100% to your family, trust me, there would be hardly some time for yourself.
But no matter how hard your life would be, you have to make time for yourself.
I personally like many other first-time mothers as well, surf the net and watch YouTube at least for fifteen minutes once everyone is asleep at night.
I know sleep is more important. But this special me-time helps to preserve my sanity and my anxiety.
Ladies, you HAVE to set aside some special time only for yourself. It’s very very important!
You, Will, Learn Setting Up Priorities
With almost 500% exhaustion always round the corner, you will soon learn setting up priorities.
Let me explain this!
Before I was a mother, I tried finishing off almost every chore back in my house. I loved hanging out almost weekend. And I just loved shopping for myself and eating out every now and then.
Fast forward to 2017!
Motherhood exactly does that!
You soon realize where you actually need to invest your time, effort and money. And that helps us setting up priorities!
You Will Miss Your Old Life
I am not going to sugarcoat this at all. But, trust me being a new mother is so hard.
Your life just takes a complete turn where you now have to literally take care of a tiny human every second.
And that soon makes you exhausted. Which eventually makes you realize how carefree you had been before even you were married.
Missing your old self and your old life can also make you depressed. Yes, it can.
But, (I don’t know if it’s just with me, or with the first-time mothers) once you see your little one smile, you will realize that the journey is indeed worth it.
You Will Now Empathize Other Parents
I still remember, when before becoming a mother, how I used to judge other parents in public.
Their toddlers used to shout and throw tantrums and all the while I used to blame how bad were their parenting.
And now I realize how disgusting I had been by doing so!
Once I started hanging out with my toddler, I realized soon that you can never predict the entire journey parenthood. It’s hard! Just really hard!
And that eventually now makes me genuinely feel sympathetic towards other parents. I now understand how does a parent feel when their toddler suddenly gives out a meltdown.
I now understand how bad you feel when during takeoffs and landings your toddler starts crying.
Once you become a mother, you soon realize how tough is the entire journey of parenting. Which eventually makes you genuinely feel for the other parents, especially first-time mothers.
First-Time Mothers Are Superwomen
My husband tagged me with the title and that boosted my confidence more than ever!
Once you’re a mom, you literally, I repeat, literally have to manage almost ten tasks single handed at one time.
As long as your hubby is back at home, everything might at least seem ok. But once he is off to work, it’s all you and your little one.
It was only when I became a mom when I realized that I can even cook or wash dishes by one hand.
It was only when I became a mom when I realized that I too can get up at 5 a.m. (Getting up even at 6.59 am was never my thing)
It was only when I became a mom when I understood how much I underestimated myself.
Being a superwoman is probably one of the most important parts of motherhood that teach you that you’re way more powerful than you think.
You Start Respecting And Loving Your Mom
And once you’ve finally entered this difficult yet beautiful journey of motherhood, you realize how much your mother actually loves you.
See, the biggest problem with us humans is the fact, that we don’t understand what the other person is going through unless we’re in their shoes.
So, once you become a mother, you realize how much your own mother worked hard day and night only for you.
And once you realize that, you start loving and respecting your mother more than ever.
Motherhood ain’t an easy job indeed! But definitely the most respectable one in the entire world!
Here’s a salute to all the first-time mothers who think they aren’t doing a great job! You ladies are rocking your motherhood job!
Did I miss out anything else? Leave your experiences in the comments!